i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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