shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
BRING THE BAGELS
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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