Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
