well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
