I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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