i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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