last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize