1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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