4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
