I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
