You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My pussy is not your playground.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
