She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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