I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
