I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
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I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
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I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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