I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
