More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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