FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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