Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
