I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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