I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
