Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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