I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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