when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
