Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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