Can Purell be used as lube?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
