Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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