He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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