so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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