Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
