After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
