he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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