dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
