I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
