I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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