No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
