I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
