I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
