in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
