Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
