Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
