"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
