im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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