Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
