My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
