I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Quick, to the slutcave!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
