Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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