Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
one might say we're banned from that church
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
