I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
