I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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