there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
