Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
