I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
