you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
