i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
