I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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