How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
