3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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