you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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