that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
