We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
