like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
