Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
