if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
