Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
