It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
