yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
and she was petting her beer can
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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