are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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