Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
