This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We talked him into tasing himself.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
