proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
