You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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