you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
