he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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