There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
