i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
