I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
