so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
