The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wish i was in the wii world.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
